*knock knock knock* 

Is this thing on? Anyone still here? If not, that's ok- no-one really listens to me ramble anyway. 

Damn,  it's been a minute. My kids are grown(ish) and I am old(ish).  Definitely a lot to catch up on since my last post. I got a job that I love for a company that I love 🛫, my dad died, I grew depressed-the most depressed I've ever been in my life, my kids grew up and I got fat. really fat. I got lazy and unmotivated and really wanted nothing to do with life. My dad's death affected me more than I thought. 

Then in 2023 I saw pictures of me. Really saw those pictures. Those pictures depressed me even more. How the fuck did I let myself get that out of control. I broke a bench at a family party. I was humiliated, so embarrassed. 

My baby number 3 was set to graduate in 2024. She's also a varsity lacrosse player with Senior night looming. I did not want to be fat. I could not be fat. I had to slim down for pictures. So on May 8, 2023 I set out to lose weight. AND I DID!!!! 52 pounds to be exact! took me the year but I did it. 

I slimmed down for pictures. I slimmed down for me. 

And now... now that I don't hurt anymore, now that I have energy, now that I've allowed the depression to leave I have a goal. I big giant HUGE goal.

I want to run BOSTON

the marathon. 

I want to run the Boston Marathon. 

Why Boston? Because I fucking love Boston. Love everything about that city. The people the history, the scenery, the challenge...of Boston.

How am I going to get there you ask? I have no fucking idea. clueless. I just know I want to do it.

 For my 50th birthday. 

For me. 

ALL for me. 

that gives me roughly 3 years to figure this shit out. To get a plan in place, to get my running grove back. 

I went to my orthopedic doctor, Doctor Lee (love him, he helped me out when I dislocated my hip 17 years ago) he took an MRI of my knee ( I fell off a curb like a dumbass and busted it up pretty good) told me to get some PT to strengthen that shit up and said I was good to start running. 

So.. here I am. Back to sucking it up and runnnnning!!

I've been running/walking the trail near my house. It's about a tad over 2 1/2 mile loop with hills. I love it. For now. 

Today's run was perfect. It was great. I did great. I felt great. 

I'm setting out to run the Hot Chocolate race this November. I can't decide if I want to start slow and sign up for the 5k or if I should set my goal higher and sign up for the 10k. I still have time to decide. After today's run, I want to do the 10k. but how will I feel tomorrow? most likely dead

What a difference shoes make

Got my new shoes yesterday. I got the Kayano 18's from Asics. I loved my 16's so much I just had to keep the brand. I got them for an insanely great deal from Running Warehouse. $110.06 for the shoes (msrp $150) a pair of socks and a shopping bag. Not to mention free 2 Day air from UPS!! Crazy!

So I tried them out today at the gym and put in a 4 mile run. My feet didn't hurt and my thighs weren't screaming at me a minute into my run. Felt awesome!!! So glad to have some new shoes to help with my mileage. I'm working my way up to 5 for the Shamrock Shuffle coming up at the end of March- woo hoo! Run on!

on a side note...

I logged 27.51 miles for the Month of January. Well below my goal. I've set the same goal for February, I have new shoes coming Friday. I'm hoping that's the kick in the pants I need.

afraid

trying to get the courage to hit submit. I'm trying to decide if I will be able to run the Shamrock shuffle 8k in March. That's 5 miles (right?)
January 2nd is the last time I ran 5 miles. In  65 minutes. I have not been able to get past 2.5 miles on the treadmill. I did run the 5k in January- and that was ok. Had to keep telling myself to keep going.
I'm afraid.

Is it worth it?

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. My actions, are they worth it? Am I worth it?  What's the point anyway? I hate those questions. really really hate them.

I realized this morning that, dammit- I AM worth it. Me. Me. Me. I am worth it.

I worked last night, didn't get home til 11:30ish and by the time I was ready for bed, it was past midnight. I knew I needed to get up to run this morning. I knew it was going to be tough. I also new it was going to be cold. On my drive home from work last night I thought to myself,  "maybe I can just forget to set my alarm. Maybe I can set it too low to hear. I'll wait til I see what I feel like in the morning."

6:30 came awfully damn soon. I heard my alarm. heard it loud and clear. I snoozed. I thought, "Do I really want to get out of this nice, warm, comfortable bed. Just to go run a race?"
I did. I got out of bed, and got dressed. I wore Ken's under armour, the race shirt, and my Monster Dash performance fleece. I wore my capri's and then my comfy yoga pants on top. Ate breakfast- and out the door I went. Stopped at Dunkin Donuts for the best coffee in the world and drove on my merry way.

During the drive, I came across some early morning runners. They loooked cold. really cold. I almost turned around to go back home. I asked myself, "Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the gas? Is it really worth worth it? I didn't think it was, but I kept driving to my destination anyway.
Arrived to my destination. It looked cold. The volunteers were setting up the cones, the plow trucks were salting the roads. It looked cold. My Saturnmometer read 14 degrees. yuck. I wanna go home and go back to sleep in my nice comfy bed.

I messaged some friends.."It's 14 degrees outside and I'm waiting in line for a 5k. Who am I?"

I am a runner. I am a determined runner to get fit and healthy and not fat and flabby. I am Sue. I am worth it.

Race started, good crowd! I was not expecting so many people for being a park district event. That made it easier for me to do this. Lots of people running. In the cold. For nothing other than the fact that you finished. I did get a nice tech tshirt and they were serving soup from Olive Garden afterwards. But no one was paying these people to run. No one paid me to go. I did it on my own.

I kept about a 11:09 (that's what runkeeper kept telling me) minute pace. At the halfway point I wanted to stop to walk. I kept telling myself not to stop. If I stop to walk, I'll stop to walk again. I just kept repeating to myself, "You can do this. You can finish. You can get there."

And I did. my time was 36:07. [ EDIT: Official from active.com 153    83 SUSAN LEWIS                F  34  22/28   36:05.4 11:37 LOCKPORT, IL ]    I am happy with that time. It could be faster, yes, but 36:07 is a good time. for me. After the race was complete and I stood in line for my water and banana (I passed on the soup like an idiot) I felt so proud of me. Who gets up at the ass crack of dawn to run outside in 14* weather? WHO DOES THAT? Only crazy people. Crazy people like ME!

Race day is tomorrow!!!

Gotta get my gear together tonight so I can be ready in the a.m. I work tonight, hopefully I'm out early. I don't think I close- I sure do hope not!!!
I haven't put much mileage in this week either. I don't think it'll be a problem for tomorrow, but we'll see!

Why?

Why can't I get to 5 miles again??? After taking the month of December totally off from all gym type activities, I was able to run 5 miles in a little over 60 minutes. Now, second time, I can barely get to 2 miles. I'm not winded just bored and tired by 2 miles. Frustrating!!!!
Soooo for today I put in 3.1 (took 39 effing minutes) and 15 minutes on the stepper. Today also started the 100 Day Burpee Challenge. 1 burpee this morning, done and done! A few friends and I are in the 100 day challenge. Today was 1 burpee, tomorrow 2 burpee's and so on. Til we get to 100 days. Abbi is in it too. Great motivation right there!