Saturday, January 14, 2012

Is it worth it?

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. My actions, are they worth it? Am I worth it?  What's the point anyway? I hate those questions. really really hate them.

I realized this morning that, dammit- I AM worth it. Me. Me. Me. I am worth it.

I worked last night, didn't get home til 11:30ish and by the time I was ready for bed, it was past midnight. I knew I needed to get up to run this morning. I knew it was going to be tough. I also new it was going to be cold. On my drive home from work last night I thought to myself,  "maybe I can just forget to set my alarm. Maybe I can set it too low to hear. I'll wait til I see what I feel like in the morning."

6:30 came awfully damn soon. I heard my alarm. heard it loud and clear. I snoozed. I thought, "Do I really want to get out of this nice, warm, comfortable bed. Just to go run a race?"
I did. I got out of bed, and got dressed. I wore Ken's under armour, the race shirt, and my Monster Dash performance fleece. I wore my capri's and then my comfy yoga pants on top. Ate breakfast- and out the door I went. Stopped at Dunkin Donuts for the best coffee in the world and drove on my merry way.

During the drive, I came across some early morning runners. They loooked cold. really cold. I almost turned around to go back home. I asked myself, "Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the gas? Is it really worth worth it? I didn't think it was, but I kept driving to my destination anyway.
Arrived to my destination. It looked cold. The volunteers were setting up the cones, the plow trucks were salting the roads. It looked cold. My Saturnmometer read 14 degrees. yuck. I wanna go home and go back to sleep in my nice comfy bed.

I messaged some friends.."It's 14 degrees outside and I'm waiting in line for a 5k. Who am I?"

I am a runner. I am a determined runner to get fit and healthy and not fat and flabby. I am Sue. I am worth it.

Race started, good crowd! I was not expecting so many people for being a park district event. That made it easier for me to do this. Lots of people running. In the cold. For nothing other than the fact that you finished. I did get a nice tech tshirt and they were serving soup from Olive Garden afterwards. But no one was paying these people to run. No one paid me to go. I did it on my own.

I kept about a 11:09 (that's what runkeeper kept telling me) minute pace. At the halfway point I wanted to stop to walk. I kept telling myself not to stop. If I stop to walk, I'll stop to walk again. I just kept repeating to myself, "You can do this. You can finish. You can get there."

And I did. my time was 36:07. [ EDIT: Official from 153    83 SUSAN LEWIS                F  34  22/28   36:05.4 11:37 LOCKPORT, IL ]    I am happy with that time. It could be faster, yes, but 36:07 is a good time. for me. After the race was complete and I stood in line for my water and banana (I passed on the soup like an idiot) I felt so proud of me. Who gets up at the ass crack of dawn to run outside in 14* weather? WHO DOES THAT? Only crazy people. Crazy people like ME!

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